*Sierra Leone: The Only Country Where You Prepay for Darkness*
By Juma Mubarak (Mr. Solution)
Once upon a time in the great Republic of Sierra Leone, a miraculous economic phenomenon occurred: citizens prepaid for electricity, yet the government somehow still managed to owe $90 million to Karpowership. It was as if money had developed wings and flown into an undisclosed location—perhaps a foreign bank account or a bottomless pit labeled “Government Projects.”
But fear not! The nation’s brightest minds were on the case. President Bio, now moonlighting as Minister of Energy, had personally taken charge, appointing his trusted energy guru, Dr. Kandeh Kolleh Yumkella (KKY), to end the country’s suffering. And indeed, they succeeded—in delivering the nation into total, unfiltered, industrial-grade darkness.
The people adjusted. Hand fans became the most valuable assets in the economy. Newspapers, plastic covers, and even birth certificates were repurposed as cooling devices. The blackouts were so bad, even mosquitoes started feeling guilty—but not guilty enough to stop their all-night praise and worship sessions in the ears of helpless citizens, who lay in sweat-soaked frustration, contemplating their life choices.
But the real comedy show was at State House, Parliament, and the Ministry of Energy itself, which were often as dark as cemeteries. Yes, even the very institutions responsible for electricity sat in silence like abandoned haunted houses. One could only imagine the ministers conducting meetings by candlelight, perhaps brainstorming a new apology script to read to the nation.
And oh, what an apology it would be! Because in Sierra Leone, apologies are more consistent than electricity. Every now and then, a government official would emerge from the shadows (literally) to deliver a heartfelt message:
“We are working on it.”
Working on what exactly? A more creative excuse? A new and improved way to blame the opposition? Perhaps another high-level energy summit—where the only thing that gets powered up is the air conditioning in the conference hall?
But let’s not forget the Paopa online warriors, the elite cyber brigade of SLPP defenders, always on standby with fully charged phones and unlimited data (somehow), ready to ferociously attack anyone who dares to complain. To them, speaking against the blackout is treasonous, an act of betrayal against the Holy Government.
If you complain, you are “unprogressive.” If you criticize, you are “unpatriotic.” And if you dare to ask why you’re sitting in darkness after prepaying for electricity? You are a certified enemy of the state.
One might even think SLPP supporters have access to a secret power grid, or perhaps a government-issued fuel subsidy that allows them to keep their generators running at a special discounted rate. Because somehow, they always seem to have light, internet, and energy to defend the indefensible.
And so, Sierra Leoneans are left wondering: What crime have we committed to deserve this?
But at least the Bio administration has achieved one historic milestone—it has successfully transformed Sierra Leone into the undisputed “Darkness in Africa.” Other nations are busy discussing industrialization, renewable energy, and digital revolutions. Sierra Leone, meanwhile, is leading in the fine art of darkness management.
A standing ovation is in order.
What a life, what a nation.
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